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Skype: okeeffe.denmark
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Can a single event change your life? I would never have thought so until I was 11. A series of events changed how I thought, as well as how I looked. It gave me the confidence to be who I am today. This story shows an event of my life that has changed me. A change that I will cherish forever

I suppose I can be honest and tell you that I was not a normal 11-year old. I was different than other boys. I didnt really like sports. I liked swimming though. I did not like action films. I liked romantic movies. I didnt like rock music, as I loved ballads. I even wanted to do ballet, but Dad wouldnt let me. He said it was only for sissies and gays. Being so naïve, I believed him. Years later, I was so sad that I believed him, as it could have been my dream.

My best friend was Ellen, she lived next door. Our bedroom windows faced each other. We used to communicate with each other through a sign language that we invented. Sometimes when we wanted to say something that was a bit too complicated for our sign language, we would send text messages to each other. It was obvious for everyone that Ellen was my best friend. She knew I was different. We couldnt say how I was different but we both just knew and accepted it.

One of the favourite things I liked was watching her do her hair when looking through her window. Dont worry she knew I was staring. I was no stalker! She didnt mind me watch her do her hair. She would spend a long time brushing her hair. She had this rule that every strand of hair had to be brushed 20 times. Maybe that made her hair the nicest and softest hair that I ever seen.  After she brushed her hair, she would put some lovely hair elastic things in her hair. Some were so beautiful. Some were flowers and some were butterflies. Then she would come to the window and show the finished product. I smiled as I seen it, and gave her a thumbs up. That made her smile, a smile that warmed my heart. After we would pull down our blinds, as we knew that it was time to get ready for bed. Then I would look in my mirror. My hair went to my shoulders and had a problem of curling at the end. Some mean people at school said I looked like Shirley Temple. After I found out who she was, I took that as an insult. But it nagged me all the time; did my hair look like girls hair?  I would brush my hair as much as Ellen did, and I would have loved to have the decorations that she put in her hair. I think they would make my hair look prettier; I used to dream that Ellen would give me some of her decorations, her hair bands and elastics to me. But that was just dreaming.

In fact, I had problems with my hair. One day Dad threatened me with the worse thing possible:

You hair is getting too long. Dad said

No its not. Its the way it should look

I dont know if I am talking with a boy or girl.

Thats mean. A lot of boys have hair like mine.

I would like to see a boy with hair like yours that is not a sissy or gay

I am not gay!

No, because you are getting your hair cut tomorrow.

I looked at him, and gave him the worse face that I could. No way was I going to have short hair. I would look totally wrong with short hair and it wouldnt suit my personality. But Dad wouldnt care about that. He wanted me to be a normal boy. Maybe he thought that I would be teased. Maybe he thought I would end up some sex frustrated man that was alone in the world with strange desires. He didnt understand that at 11, I thought that everything to do with sex was disgusting and I never thought about it. The fact that I didnt like traditional boys things and preferred alternative things doesnt mean that I should be punished. At an early stage in my life, I knew that I was not like other boys, and screw the people that didnt like it or wanted to change me. This included my Dad.

The next day I went to Ellens house. She was all excited.

I got a new game, she said

Great, but why are you jumping up and down about it?

Its a virtual game.

What is that?

Ok, listen. You see this thing? You put it on your head over your eyes. Then you lay on the bed. Then you are in this imaginary world where it really feels like you are there. Its so cool.

What do you mean it really feels like you am there?

Well, you know when you dream, its like you are there, but you really are in bed. Well when I am in avatar town, its more like I am really there. Avatar town is nearly like a real world. You meet other people that are on line. You can buy things and meet so many different people over the world.

How is it real?

Well, lets say if someone hits you in Avatar town, then you feel pain. If you fall, you feel pain. If you walk around with no clothes, then you feel cold. If it rains there, then you feel wet. All this and more, even though youre real body is laying on the bed

It must have been an expensive game. And did you say you walked around with no clothes? How gross!

I did not. I was changing clothes. Do you want to try?

No thanks, maybe another time.

I could see that Ellen wanted to be left alone. I went home. I knew that she would spend most of the day on Avatar. That meant that I would be alone.

That night, I couldnt sleep. I kept on thinking about her new game. What if I was stuck in there? It was like the matrix. At the end, you become so addicted to it, that you dont know the real world from the imaginary world. I was wise not to do it. We only have one world and that should be the world that we should try to live in. The more I talked to myself, the less tired I was. I hated when I couldnt sleep. It was Ellens fault because she asked me to enter her secret world. I could feel my heart beating harder as I thought what it would be like trapped there. Not being able to come back. I mean, would this be dangerous? I doubted it, unless there were lions.

I decided that I would try it the next time she asked.

The next day Ellen did ask. She was surprised when I said yes. She told me that she had two headsets. I was then to lie on the bed. When I was comfortable, she put the head set on me. She pressed the button at the end. There were all different colours as I could feel myself spinning in the air. I felt so dizzy. I just kept on spinning and spinning, until a world slowly starting materializing. Wow! It looked like a real world with real buildings and streets and people. I thought they would be some computer-animated people, but they looked like real people. I landed in the middle of the town square. I could see that other people were appearing and I didnt know any of them. I felt alone. So many people and I didnt know where to go or do.

I walked around the square. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. It was Ellen. I smiled. I was not alone anymore.

Isnt this great? she asked

It looks so real. When you told me it was real, I didnt think that it was so real.

What should we do?

I dont know. Its up to you. Avatar is your game.

I think we should buy you new clothes, to use when you come here.

Whats the matter with the clothes I have.

Nothing, well youll see.

We walked down the street, and Ellen said that we could buy clothes in a shop called Anastasias. I said OK. A shop is a shop.

But when I saw Anastasia, I was a bit surprised. It was a womans shop. I stood in the middle of it thinking, what am I doing here? Then Ellen pulled this pink skirt off the rack and held it up against me. She mumbled to herself that this would do. The pink skirt was put on a table.

Then a white blouse, with lace at the end of the sleeves and around the neck

Then with some white panties with cartoons on them

Then with tights and ankle socks

A petticoat dress

Butterflies and Roses for hair

Mascara

Lip Gloss.

Ellen took the clothes and paid for them. Then she handed me three bags and told me that I should try these clothes on. I yelled that these were girl clothes. I wanted to end this game now. I kept on telling her to let me back to my real body. Ellen looked worried as if she hurt my feelings. I didnt care. I wanted to go home, and now. Ellen led me to the town square where I pushed a box. I was back on the bed in Ellens bedroom.

I ran home. Mum asked me why I was so mad. I just said that Ellen and I had a fight. I ran up to my room and started crying. Why did she tease me by buying girl clothes? Did she not know that people teased me because I had a body and of course hair that looked like girls? Ellen is supposed to be my best friend. I kept on asking myself why she tried to embarrass me like that.

Later that night, I saw that Ellen was on her bed with her head in the pillow. It looked like she was crying too. Suddenly I felt better. She obviously knew what she did was wrong. She wrote a text to me. It said Sorry. I wrote back that I was no longer mad. After all she was nearly my friend. I needed her. I needed someone who knew me and accepted me for what I am. I was once again happy that we were friends.

The next day, I went over to Ellens, Her Dad sighed and said that she was in her bedroom. I walked up and seen her lying on her bed. She was really addicted to Avatar. Maybe she had a secret boyfriend in there.

I decided that I would surprise her.

I put on the headgear. I pushed the button and within seconds I was swirling around and around in the midst of different rainbow colours. I landed in the town square. There were so many people here! How was I going to find Ellen? I walked over to a huge map. It showed where different people were. I typed in Ellen99, Ellens username in Avatar. It showed a circle and said Ellen was at her house. I walked through the town center to the suburb. It wasnt hard finding the house. When I got there, Ellen wasnt there. I looked around her house. It was so pretty. She had a white sofa, and pink carpet. She had flowers everywhere. In her bedroom she had a huge white bed, with pink floors. There was a lovely lamp. She also had two pictures; one was a picture of her family and the other was a picture of me. She left the three bags: I looked at them. It was like the bags were enticing me and seducing me to open them

I did. I took out the panties that could have been panties for an eight year old. I felt how soft they were. They were like my briefs, but there was something about them that made my heart beat faster. I looked around to see if anyone was here, and shouted Ellens name a few times. Then I quickly stripped and put the panties on. They were so soft against my skin. I couldnt believe the difference.

I decided to try the tights on. It was like small puffs of breezes were hitting my skin. I slowly put them on, as I didnt want them to tear. I thought they made my skin look like white silk. I did a little dance around the room in my new tights and panties. I felt like a ballerina dancing on soft clouds.

I then took the long summer dress she bought. It was white and light green. It looked like a summer dress form the 50s. Maybe they are in style again. Again, it felt like I was in heaven that I had the dress on. I could feel the dress going up my legs. I felt like that famous picture of Marilyn Monroe, where she was letting wind go up her skirt. I packed my boy things and decided that I would wear these clothes all day. I started dancing around once again.

I stopped in my tracks and seen Ellen standing there.

You look so pretty. She said.

Im sorry. The clothes were just here and I dont know why but I tried them on

I think you have some girl hormones.

What do you mean?

Part of you wants to be like a girl and try girl things. If I was to be mean, you are a sissy. But youre not really. Youre just girly

Deep down I always knew that. I was just afraid to tell anyone, including you. For once in my life, I feel happy what I am wearing. I know it makes me weird. But I feel myself now with these clothes on

Lets go out. First I have to fix your hair.

My heart was going faster when she told me that I was going out. I could have screamed. Was I going out as a girl? People would know that I was a boy in a dress. While I was thinking all this, I saw that Ellen was putting flowers and butterflies in my hair. My old dream was coming true. I looked in the mirror and felt and looked exactly like a girl.

Ellen took my hand and we walked out the door. We walked down to the park where Ellen introduced me as her little cousin. They all thought I was about 9, because they said aww. The afternoon was fun chatting about boys and how each others clothes looked, and what was now modern, and then the talks went back to boys again. The funny thing was that nobody recognized me as a boy.

It was time to go home. When we landed on the bed, Ellen asked did I like my girl time. I said yes.

It would be so difficult for you to wear girl clothes in the real world She observed

Yes I know. School mates will tease and my family would never understand.

Then I think you should be a girl in Avatar

So my previous experiences of being a girl were in a virtual world. A few times a week I would escape this world and become Ellens little cousin in Avatar town. After a while I had lots of girls clothes, and I was so happy when I escaped to Avatar.

Years later, after I became 18, I became a total cross dresser. There were consequences. My Dad would not speak with me. My mother felt sorry for me. But I was happy. The most important thing is that I didnt need avatar to be happy. 

 

 



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Comments from the author

Today we have things like second life and other reality worlds where we can escape to. I Know people that can spend 6 hours a day there!

On second life, I have tried being a girl. It was a great escape from reality, but it does get emotional and it does get real. 

Avatar was a quick story I have put together. It was also done when the film "avatar" was released. 

Its not one of my favourite stories, but it was fun writing



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Response from readers (You can reply with your comment below)

What a way for a boy to learn who he is!

***

Too bad there is not a system like that right now, it certainly could take care of a lot of various problems many people have regarding themselves and their gender conception. It would also allow a person to practice being a girl without being laughed at or bullied. At the rate and the way technology is going nowadays, I am sure that it won't be too long before we do have an Avatar program available to use. Jan

***

About 15 years ago I was visiting the University in Colmar, France, with a Swedish friend. We went to the Department of Chemistry. Now the University had just been put into a lovely new tower block building in the middle of the new centre of the City, and the Dept of Chemistry was given the 5th or 6th floor, and they were moving all their stuff across from the old, temporary buildings, when someone in Admin suddenly realised they could not have people playing around with chemicals in the middle of their lovely new tower in the middle of the city, the risk of explosions was too great!

So the dept. invested heavily in Virtual Reality Headsets and Gloves, and developed software so that graduate students could sit there feeling the resistance of atoms as they tried to manipulate them into molecular structures, feeling the energy required to make them fit into wherever they wanted them, and the whole setup began to make amazing advances in our knowledge of the chemistry of complex carbon chain and ring compounds...

Out in the woods they later also put some log cabin labs where they could try to make the new compounds for real. Where explosions were not so serious.

I tried one of these things on and it was like stepping into a new world, a new reality. Very impressive and insightful, but scary too.

Now if they were so far 15 years ago, I am pretty sure they can do even more now. In fact, I have heard rumours of kinky things being done with VR, and I am sure, being students, they will have tried to explore its other possibilities...

Briar

***

Technology could be very helpful in future for many tg. But that virtual world would provide only temporary shelter, it would not change reality.

***

Most of what people call reality is simply a matter of perception. Consider that we currently have a process by which we take hormones and surgically alter parts of our bodies in an effort to feel and be perceived as the gender that works the best for us in our minds and spirits. But we don't actually become that gender. Even the best surgery cannot accomplish that (yet). We act and react due to imposed body chemistry in a way that is more of that gender, but its not exactly the same. We certainly can't reproduce as if we are that gender. So... a good VR system isn't real. But, doesn't a good VR system have the potential to approximate true gender re-assignment more accurately than any medical technique?

That doesn't even begin to explore the aspects of this life, philosophically being an illusion... virtually real only because we commit to the perceptions of it through senses that we know lie, but still trust.

***

We not only become our "perceived" gender physically, but also mentally. My therapist told me that when we are treated like guys before our transitions started, and then we start taking hormones, she said that we will forget about being guys so much so that our minds become the female mind we have always had but didn't have the hormones to get it there all the way. She said this is called selective memory loss. We don't actually "forget" everything because it is pushed into our subconscious, as the female mind takes over.

Now just because we cannot have a monthly cycle or deliver babies naturally, doesn't mean we are not women. Each year several hundred women are born barren. They also cannot have babies, or a monthly cycle but it does not make them any less of a woman. Being a woman is a discipline, an attitude, a way of life that is a 24/7/365 job. You can't be Harry one day and Sally the next. You are either one or the other, because if you are both, then sooner or later you are going to be on that therapist's couch with cold pack on your head trying to relieve the headache that won't go away. You may laugh, but it isn't funny. I learned a lot with my psychiatrist over the years, and she was very instrumental in getting me to where I am today.

So yes, we can become the female that we have always perceived ourselves to be. Gender perceived is gender achieved.

***

who I was...of course there were no home computers then either. I found myself and with the help of friends I became myself publicly, even in school. People today are so spoiled they border on being lazy if not actually lazy.

This story is heartbreaking, because our Hero(ine) has to resort to being herself in a virtual world in her childhood, which then made her a crossdresser when she got older. And that is what is so sad because our hero(ine) could have had a wonderful life as a physical female.

Oh! I know, being transgendered isn't for everyone. But if I had my way there are about 150,000,000 men I would love to see completely transitioned to physical female for all the good they refuse to do in the world.

This was written very well and the plot is solid. Thank you for sharing.



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